it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
