At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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