Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
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