Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize