Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
