I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
