what day is it and did you see me today?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
