'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
