Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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