No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
