If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I deserve to be covered in dicks
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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