shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
