Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
