Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
