it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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