Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
