I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
