And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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