Kiss
Puke
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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