I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
