You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
