I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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