well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
