he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
