anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize