I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She bit a glass in half.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
