My friends, they love my intelligence
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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