Nicole vs. Life
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
