omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
