im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
