on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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