your parents love me but you hate me
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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