I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
