imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
