margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
