All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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