She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think I am morally bankrupt
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
