So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
false alarm. still invincible.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
