Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
