i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize