PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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