i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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