I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
stop calling my apartment porn island.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
