she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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