Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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