Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
