I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
