Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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