While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
