Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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