it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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