I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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