I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize