I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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