I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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