Where is the hickey?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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