I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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