saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
