OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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