yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
