Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
