I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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