Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
