I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
