the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
