fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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