No stitches, just platelets and will power
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
