yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize