My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
