Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
