i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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