Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
