Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize