I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
