Swine flu. Run for my life!
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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