Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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