I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
