Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
