I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
be right there i have to get my cape
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The Olympian is in my bed
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
