I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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